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Monday, June 29, 2009

10 Rules for One Night Stand

"I’m always looking for meaningful one-night stands.". If you are looking for one-night stands that are fun and not gonna lead to a relationship,here are the rules you must follow!

1. ALWAYS have Condoms with you:You will feel kinda stupid, huh? All that time to convince her, and now….NOTHING! Don’t even think about sleeping with the person without protection. You don’t want to RISK your life for a few hours (if you’re lucky) of pleasure!

2. Do NOT give them your phone number:
The last think you need is a stalker on your back! You need to be fast and sneaky! The less you know about this person (and the less they know about you!) the better one night stand you will make.

3. They MUST be a stranger:
Well don’t mess with your friends! It will become more complicated in case you or the other one starts to have feelings.

4. Do NOT be drunk:
You don’t have to care if he or she is drunk, but you don’t have to be! Have you ever seen how an ugly face transforms into a beautiful one with a fifth of vodka?

5. Do NOT go to your place:
Are you insane? All that time you’ve been trying to hide by not giving your phone number, and you bring your flirt to your place? Wrong! A nice hotel will do the trick, if you like it outdoors, also not a problem. Just don’t go to some place familiar! There is a chance that you will never get rid of them afterwards.

6. Do NOT use your car:
A car is like a symbol! He or she will never forget it! You don’t want every time you’re parked outside a restaurant with someone else to see that person again running towards you! You are too old to be hiding under tables!

7. Do NOT eat anything weird before:
You want to spend some time with that person; not with the porcelain altar! So be careful of your choices. A good salad (without onions or garlic) will do great for that day. Remember: flatulence is NOT a turn-on.

8. Do NOT fall asleep:
You may awake and see an ugly face staring at you. Or even worst, a table full of breakfast ready for both of you to enjoy… Your identity will be exposed, since you were sleeping like a pig and he or she was searching through your stuff! You will also realize that this one night stand might have been a mistake, after all… so be sneaky: do your ninja moves, try to leave the place without anyone noticing.

9. Do NOT leave any tracks:
Be sure that you won’t leave anything behind when you leave! A T-shirt, a lighter, a pair of gloves, even your used protection will be enough for the other person to search the entire world to find you! Anything you will forget might be used against you - learn from all those CSI episodes you’ve spent so much time on!

10. Do NOT kiss them when you leave:
In case that you failed to do something of the above, this would be one huge mistake! That would mean something more than a simple One Night Stand!

So people enjoy your single status, follow the rules, have fun and be happy!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I enjoyed this post actually. I didn't think I would when I started reading it haha... but it's quite nice!!